Reminds me of the story of the youth basketball coach who put all 12 of his kids on the court to start the game. The refs told him to get it down to 5. He quietly refused. The refs insisted but he held his ground. Finally, he got a technical. He turned to the parents and said, "See, I told you they couldn't all start."
hilarious but also pretty darn accurate. The worst are in Little League, only a few of those head ache parents make it into high school sports with their kids...they've either burned their kids out or pursue other interests.
Assistant Coach for youth soccer and lacrosse, under the same head coach. During the “draft period” we often selected kids based on their parents. Passed up many a superior athlete because the parents weren’t worth the headaches! Our team consistently did well, as the kids enjoyed our philosophy and the parents let us do our thing.
I used to officiate Football, baseball and softball, for the most part the kids were great, 90 some percent of the coaches were great, but the parents were the reason I no longer officiate.
As a 30+ year official with the PFOA (Portland Football Officials Association) I agree with your observations. I'm on the Recruiting committee and your experience is not unique and among our major obstacles we must confront.
Thank you John. This is a topic that needs to be brought up more often.
Speaking from the officials side of the equation, yes, we have a massive shortage of officials in every sport nationwide. You do get young officials in their teens or 20s who enjoy learning the intricacies of being an umpire or referee. But they can't handle the unmerciful garbage that parents and fans bombard them with.
Look, sports officials understand people are going to disagree, and at times people are going to say things that quite frankly don't make a lot of sense. Your credibility isn't great when you're halfway down first watching a game and screaming how a pitch was outside. Really?
But some of the horrendous things people say to these young officials, and to make it worse, follow and harass them as they go back to the locker room, or most likely, their car to takeoff their equipment, is beyond just being a fan. Many times their actions embarrass their kids.
Especially at the younger levels, you're not going to get D1 college baseball umpires working your game. Just like little Timmy is learning the game and isn't quite sure where the cut off throw should go, the young umpire, either in age or experience, is learning the game too.
Couldn't agree with you more Dale. It's really sad to see the increasing number of officials quitting and or retiring early from what was their passion. At some point when volunteers stop officiating, it will be those people in the stands who will be the officials, and what a catastrophe that would be!
Dale, I was involved in training lacrosse officials. It was estimated that it took five years to develop a confident, competent high school official.
Driving away youth officials (our next generation of officials) is going to make the problem worse. When game are cancelled, the administrator or coach should remind the parents of their actions at a youth contest on why their kid is not playing today. Won't help but people need to be reminded that actions have consequences.
This story sort of makes me glad our 4 kids got out of school when they did. Overall we had good experiences through youth soccer, volleyball, basketball, baseball and track & field. My kids and us knew they were not going on to college sports except for intramurals but it was about teamwork and seeing the benefit of hard work. Two stories that are now funny:
- I once had to fill in for a soccer referee who didn’t show for the next U-7 game after coaching my team’s game. I gave a kid a yellow card for a very hard slide tackle into the goalie, which was not allowed at this level (nor was a red card allowed). The offender’s mother started swearing and yelling at me, by then the head referee of the league had showed up and said it was the right call. After the game, the mom followed me to the parking lot, swearing all sorts of foul words at me and my six-year-old daughter. Fortunately, we can laugh about it now, ha ha.
- At a CYO basketball game while sitting next to parents from the other school. A dad started yelling swear words at the youth referee who did not hear him. I said to the dad, “Do you realize we are in a church building and you’re using that kind of language?” I was half expecting a fight, but to the man’s credit, he apologized to me and everyone sitting around him for the language and anger. Sometimes it takes some of us to stand up and say something instead of just ignoring bad behavior.
Thanks for the article, John, another good one with good thoughts
Karl, I believe the word you are looking for is adversity. One of the great lessons from playing youth/ hs sports is how you deal with adversity. There will always be calls that go against you, there will always be coaches decisions that you disagree with. How do you deal with the adversity?
If you don't have the tools to deal with it at a youth sports contest, how are you going to deal with it as an adult when the consequences (say who gets a promotion) are much larger?
“Adversity” is a good addition to learning teamwork and the benefits of hard work, (and in sports the payback of hard work was more immediate than in a classroom when you had to wait until the end of the grading term)
Well played, John, exceptional piece. Really sums it up and reaches the true value and purpose of youth sports. And the shout out to the CYO, every organization should do the same. My great granddaughter played volleyball earlier this season, and now is playing third grade basketball. From her first game on I was impressed by the teams standing together in front of the "crowd" while they blessed each other, but most importantly, read the protocol for adult conduct to us parents. So, yes, let the kids play, let the coaches coach, and just support them all. Just sayin', Charlie.
Oh, yes! As a parent of 4 who all played sports, an event manager for our high school, the parent of a coach, parents can be a nightmare. It's not about the game and having fun, it's about their kid being the star. It's not about supporting the team and coach, it's about who gets the most playing time. At one time, my husband was a Little League umpire. During one game, the parents got so bad, he stopped the game, took off his equipment and told the parents they could either calm down and quit all the derogatory remarks or the game was over. Five minutes later when he stepped back behind the plate, you could have heard a pin drop.
Yes, there were always be unfair refs and coaches who only play the stars, but our kids learn by example and they look to us to see what's acceptable. Let them play and enjoy it.
John-totally on board with the gist of your article. However, as a slight departure from you message, I'd like to express my concerns about the whole "pay to play" situation that parents seem to be confronted with these days. Actually, that issue may indeed be connected to the one you addressed. Could it be that since parents started putting up tons of money so their kids could have a shot a earning a living in a chosen sport, maybe those expenses related in some way to parents going overboard and thinking that everyone associated with whatever team their kid is on actually work for them and can thus be treated (poorly) like their employees? Personally, I miss the days when I could play Little League or Babe Ruth baseball for little to no cost.
100% agree. The youth-sports-industrial-complex is more about monetizing the kids. Should they happen to be good a sport or fall in love with a sport? Added benefit.
John hit upon a number of the issues, pay-for-play, additional training session (paid for), the cost of traveling to tournaments every weekend, etc.
A friend of ours has a 12 year old who plays baseball. His parents had to figure out a way for him to travel with his team to Arizona this winter. Arizona for a 12 year old? Ridiculous!
A study out of a national soccer coaches association (can't remember which) calculated that it costs parents $10,000/ kid/ year to play club soccer in the Washington D.C., Maryland, Virginia (DMV) area. Totally nuts.
8 years as a college basketball coach and 15 years of running an AAU basketball club (previous to coaching in college), and I 100% agree. One of my constant messages to our team at the university is to always have fun and don’t forget the joy you have in playing the game you love!
I was too short and not a good enough ball handler on my high school team 🏀. I understood early on, I was never going to be moving on to the next level, even though I had moments I thought I could be like Mike. But I loved running up and down the court, especially in college intermurals, and played until “the wheels fell off”. I ended up playing Aussie Rules football for a little bit in Portland, in my 30’s, until I blew out knees, but it was a blast! Now, I enjoy watching the all young guys play their sports. Point is, parents need to understand that there needs to be joy in the games, otherwise… why even do it? So few kids get the opportunity to even play, let alone go pro. Get off their backs, fire the expensive tennis coaches, and let the young ones have some fun.
I too was too short and not very good either. Our Jr. High coach had a somewhat obscure point system that he used to in practice to decide who would start each game. One week after a decidedly bad run of practices, I had the 4th highest score for the week so I was the starting guard.
Somehow, bringing the ball up court early in the first quarter and crossing the mid court line and finding myself open, I put up a shot. It went in. I was immediately pulled so the athletes could compete. Later in the year I made a free throw. 2 years and 3 points.
John: This column is a timely reminder to the parents of the girls varsity basketball team at Summit High School in Bend who convinced their kids who didn't like the team's assistant coach to "boycott" the Storm's game against Caldera last week. The Summit team arrived at Caldera and the girls decided not to play just prior to the start of the game, forfeiting the IMC game.
Awesome article, thanks! I was in CYO playing three sports both winning and losing but having a great time. My mom watched the games and cheered for both teams. I was very lucky!
Now I will walk away from a high school game because of parents and others berating the referees, coaches and players.
Another superb column, Bud. I’m coaching 8 and 9 year old boys rec-league basketball in a small, mostly Latino town near Fresno. The working-class parents are great. I am teaching skills and attitude to their squirrelly boys (one of whom is my grandson). I think it’s working, but we still have our “hey guys, get back over here” moments. My advice to coaches is to understand the ages of the kids and what they can accomplish. I’m not interested in coaching high school or college. Let me stay with the “kids.” Keep the faith.
Another great article John. Have you every though about doing an article on high school athletes that are being held back to gain a competitive advantage in sports. It is becoming more common these days. They call it "reclassing." It happens a lot at the end of 8th grade year. Parents will "homeschool" for a year so the athlete comes into high school older and more physically mature. Doesn't seem fair but it is happening.
Reminds me of the story of the youth basketball coach who put all 12 of his kids on the court to start the game. The refs told him to get it down to 5. He quietly refused. The refs insisted but he held his ground. Finally, he got a technical. He turned to the parents and said, "See, I told you they couldn't all start."
That is hilarious.
hilarious but also pretty darn accurate. The worst are in Little League, only a few of those head ache parents make it into high school sports with their kids...they've either burned their kids out or pursue other interests.
As a youth sports coach for the last 8 years and an elementary teacher, I thank you for putting into words what many of us are facing and feeling.
Thank you for being here.
Assistant Coach for youth soccer and lacrosse, under the same head coach. During the “draft period” we often selected kids based on their parents. Passed up many a superior athlete because the parents weren’t worth the headaches! Our team consistently did well, as the kids enjoyed our philosophy and the parents let us do our thing.
That is very telling.
So many life lessons from Coaching Youth Sports, as I am sure you have experienced!
Very true. Having a team of good parents and fun kids makes for a great season.
Little League baseball coach for 9 years. We often made the same decision on draft day.
I used to officiate Football, baseball and softball, for the most part the kids were great, 90 some percent of the coaches were great, but the parents were the reason I no longer officiate.
Thank you for sharing this.
As a 30+ year official with the PFOA (Portland Football Officials Association) I agree with your observations. I'm on the Recruiting committee and your experience is not unique and among our major obstacles we must confront.
Thank you John. This is a topic that needs to be brought up more often.
Speaking from the officials side of the equation, yes, we have a massive shortage of officials in every sport nationwide. You do get young officials in their teens or 20s who enjoy learning the intricacies of being an umpire or referee. But they can't handle the unmerciful garbage that parents and fans bombard them with.
Look, sports officials understand people are going to disagree, and at times people are going to say things that quite frankly don't make a lot of sense. Your credibility isn't great when you're halfway down first watching a game and screaming how a pitch was outside. Really?
But some of the horrendous things people say to these young officials, and to make it worse, follow and harass them as they go back to the locker room, or most likely, their car to takeoff their equipment, is beyond just being a fan. Many times their actions embarrass their kids.
Especially at the younger levels, you're not going to get D1 college baseball umpires working your game. Just like little Timmy is learning the game and isn't quite sure where the cut off throw should go, the young umpire, either in age or experience, is learning the game too.
CALM DOWN!
Thanks Dale. You're the best.
Couldn't agree with you more Dale. It's really sad to see the increasing number of officials quitting and or retiring early from what was their passion. At some point when volunteers stop officiating, it will be those people in the stands who will be the officials, and what a catastrophe that would be!
Dale, I was involved in training lacrosse officials. It was estimated that it took five years to develop a confident, competent high school official.
Driving away youth officials (our next generation of officials) is going to make the problem worse. When game are cancelled, the administrator or coach should remind the parents of their actions at a youth contest on why their kid is not playing today. Won't help but people need to be reminded that actions have consequences.
This story sort of makes me glad our 4 kids got out of school when they did. Overall we had good experiences through youth soccer, volleyball, basketball, baseball and track & field. My kids and us knew they were not going on to college sports except for intramurals but it was about teamwork and seeing the benefit of hard work. Two stories that are now funny:
- I once had to fill in for a soccer referee who didn’t show for the next U-7 game after coaching my team’s game. I gave a kid a yellow card for a very hard slide tackle into the goalie, which was not allowed at this level (nor was a red card allowed). The offender’s mother started swearing and yelling at me, by then the head referee of the league had showed up and said it was the right call. After the game, the mom followed me to the parking lot, swearing all sorts of foul words at me and my six-year-old daughter. Fortunately, we can laugh about it now, ha ha.
- At a CYO basketball game while sitting next to parents from the other school. A dad started yelling swear words at the youth referee who did not hear him. I said to the dad, “Do you realize we are in a church building and you’re using that kind of language?” I was half expecting a fight, but to the man’s credit, he apologized to me and everyone sitting around him for the language and anger. Sometimes it takes some of us to stand up and say something instead of just ignoring bad behavior.
Thanks for the article, John, another good one with good thoughts
It's getting worse...
Karl, I believe the word you are looking for is adversity. One of the great lessons from playing youth/ hs sports is how you deal with adversity. There will always be calls that go against you, there will always be coaches decisions that you disagree with. How do you deal with the adversity?
If you don't have the tools to deal with it at a youth sports contest, how are you going to deal with it as an adult when the consequences (say who gets a promotion) are much larger?
“Adversity” is a good addition to learning teamwork and the benefits of hard work, (and in sports the payback of hard work was more immediate than in a classroom when you had to wait until the end of the grading term)
100% agree. Hard work, dedication, self sacrifice, team work. learning to deal with adversity/ disappoint, etc. List is in no particular order.
Well played, John, exceptional piece. Really sums it up and reaches the true value and purpose of youth sports. And the shout out to the CYO, every organization should do the same. My great granddaughter played volleyball earlier this season, and now is playing third grade basketball. From her first game on I was impressed by the teams standing together in front of the "crowd" while they blessed each other, but most importantly, read the protocol for adult conduct to us parents. So, yes, let the kids play, let the coaches coach, and just support them all. Just sayin', Charlie.
Thank you Charles, as always.
Anytime, John, you the man. Charlie
As the Major says in "Golf in the Kingdom"; "enjoy the walkin', for that's what it mostly is, especially in between."
Oh, yes! As a parent of 4 who all played sports, an event manager for our high school, the parent of a coach, parents can be a nightmare. It's not about the game and having fun, it's about their kid being the star. It's not about supporting the team and coach, it's about who gets the most playing time. At one time, my husband was a Little League umpire. During one game, the parents got so bad, he stopped the game, took off his equipment and told the parents they could either calm down and quit all the derogatory remarks or the game was over. Five minutes later when he stepped back behind the plate, you could have heard a pin drop.
Yes, there were always be unfair refs and coaches who only play the stars, but our kids learn by example and they look to us to see what's acceptable. Let them play and enjoy it.
I often thing a bad call is a great way to teach kids that you're going to get bad calls in life...
Truly. They have to learn to deal with the disappointments.
John-totally on board with the gist of your article. However, as a slight departure from you message, I'd like to express my concerns about the whole "pay to play" situation that parents seem to be confronted with these days. Actually, that issue may indeed be connected to the one you addressed. Could it be that since parents started putting up tons of money so their kids could have a shot a earning a living in a chosen sport, maybe those expenses related in some way to parents going overboard and thinking that everyone associated with whatever team their kid is on actually work for them and can thus be treated (poorly) like their employees? Personally, I miss the days when I could play Little League or Babe Ruth baseball for little to no cost.
That pay-to-play mentality very well could play a role. That's a great point. Do parents feel ownership of the team?
100% agree. The youth-sports-industrial-complex is more about monetizing the kids. Should they happen to be good a sport or fall in love with a sport? Added benefit.
John hit upon a number of the issues, pay-for-play, additional training session (paid for), the cost of traveling to tournaments every weekend, etc.
A friend of ours has a 12 year old who plays baseball. His parents had to figure out a way for him to travel with his team to Arizona this winter. Arizona for a 12 year old? Ridiculous!
Ding! Ding! Ding!
A study out of a national soccer coaches association (can't remember which) calculated that it costs parents $10,000/ kid/ year to play club soccer in the Washington D.C., Maryland, Virginia (DMV) area. Totally nuts.
8 years as a college basketball coach and 15 years of running an AAU basketball club (previous to coaching in college), and I 100% agree. One of my constant messages to our team at the university is to always have fun and don’t forget the joy you have in playing the game you love!
Thank you Eddie.
I was too short and not a good enough ball handler on my high school team 🏀. I understood early on, I was never going to be moving on to the next level, even though I had moments I thought I could be like Mike. But I loved running up and down the court, especially in college intermurals, and played until “the wheels fell off”. I ended up playing Aussie Rules football for a little bit in Portland, in my 30’s, until I blew out knees, but it was a blast! Now, I enjoy watching the all young guys play their sports. Point is, parents need to understand that there needs to be joy in the games, otherwise… why even do it? So few kids get the opportunity to even play, let alone go pro. Get off their backs, fire the expensive tennis coaches, and let the young ones have some fun.
I too was too short and not very good either. Our Jr. High coach had a somewhat obscure point system that he used to in practice to decide who would start each game. One week after a decidedly bad run of practices, I had the 4th highest score for the week so I was the starting guard.
Somehow, bringing the ball up court early in the first quarter and crossing the mid court line and finding myself open, I put up a shot. It went in. I was immediately pulled so the athletes could compete. Later in the year I made a free throw. 2 years and 3 points.
I loved it.
Todd, the "Golf in the Kingdom" note was for your (see below), Charlie
John: This column is a timely reminder to the parents of the girls varsity basketball team at Summit High School in Bend who convinced their kids who didn't like the team's assistant coach to "boycott" the Storm's game against Caldera last week. The Summit team arrived at Caldera and the girls decided not to play just prior to the start of the game, forfeiting the IMC game.
Thanks Tom.
Awesome article, thanks! I was in CYO playing three sports both winning and losing but having a great time. My mom watched the games and cheered for both teams. I was very lucky!
Now I will walk away from a high school game because of parents and others berating the referees, coaches and players.
Thanks again for this article.
Thank you Steve. Appreciate this perspective.
Another superb column, Bud. I’m coaching 8 and 9 year old boys rec-league basketball in a small, mostly Latino town near Fresno. The working-class parents are great. I am teaching skills and attitude to their squirrelly boys (one of whom is my grandson). I think it’s working, but we still have our “hey guys, get back over here” moments. My advice to coaches is to understand the ages of the kids and what they can accomplish. I’m not interested in coaching high school or college. Let me stay with the “kids.” Keep the faith.
Thanks Kenny.
Well said. Dr. Jim McHugh
Another great article John. Have you every though about doing an article on high school athletes that are being held back to gain a competitive advantage in sports. It is becoming more common these days. They call it "reclassing." It happens a lot at the end of 8th grade year. Parents will "homeschool" for a year so the athlete comes into high school older and more physically mature. Doesn't seem fair but it is happening.
The reclassing is lame too.
Yes and there is always some explanation to pretend it’s not sports-related
Gaming the system.
Great reminder. Should be required reading for parents before signing their kids up for sports.
Thanks Kevin.