Canzano: Week 6 will offend someone -- bet it
My picks, thoughts and predictions...
Sometimes we have to make the choice to be offended. No way around it. The stoics tried to help. Epictetus said: “If someone succeeds in provoking you, realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation.”
I thought about that this week when I heard that Oregon State’s athletic department fielded complaints about Jonathan Smith’s sideline signal at the end of the Beavers’ 21-7 victory over Utah on Friday.
Smith was trying to communicate to his offensive players that he wanted them to take their time snapping the football. It was first down. The official wound the game clock. Smith hoped his offense would … milk… the… clock. On the spot, under pressure, the coach made what he thought was his best “milk the clock” gesture.
Smith took both hands, cupped his chest and mimicked a couple of squeezes. It took three seconds. OSU’s coach told me later: “No way am I thinking, ‘Am I on camera right now?’.”
Apparently a few people who saw the signal on television were deeply offended. Smith apologized after the game. I remain puzzled as why anyone would lose sleep over it or take the time to complain. I’ve seen and heard lots of things at football stadiums that are far worse than a grown man simulating lactation in the name of closing out a win.
“It sounded like there were a few offended complaints that came our way,” Smith told me on Wednesday. “It wasn’t a good look. It wasn’t even the signal to be honest with you. I wish it hadn’t become such a spectacle because that was a great football game.”
I’ve milked a cow. I noted that Smith’s thumb-and-fore finger action was fundamentally solid. The coach insists he’s never milked a farm animal. I’m not sure I believe him. But I do know that Smith would be a high draft pick if a game of charades breaks out at the stadium.
The whole episode has me wondering if anyone would have been offended had Smith just dropped to a knee, pretended to take a cow’s teats in his hands and shoot streams of milk from the udder into a pail. Would dairy farmers be ticked? The pro-cow crowd go mad? I don’t know. But I do know that if you’re sitting around waiting to be offended you’ll eventually get what you desire.
I went 5-0 last week in picking Pac-12 winners, straight up. Really proud of that. But I had a lousy week against the spread, losing four of the five games. I’m looking for a better showing this week.
My 2023 season record vs. the spread: 19-17 (.527)
My 2023 straight-up record: 41-4 (.911)
My Week 6 thoughts, picks and predictions…