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chris oleary's avatar

Wow John, what a packed column today! Love reading about you being asked to officiate at a wedding. Will be interesting to read about your experience after the wedding.

A question posed by Seinfeld: “has anyone asked the bride why she doesn’t just marry the best man?”

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John Canzano's avatar

Great line.

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Ladd McKittrick's avatar

I’ve officiated 3 weddings. Keep it simple and about them. When having them repeat their vows, keep the phrases short so they can remember the phrase (they are nervous and will forget).

You talk & write for a living, you’ll be great!

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John Canzano's avatar

Thanks Ladd.

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The Valley's avatar

I’ve been thinking the same thing about the “mid-tier” Big Ten schools. I was surprised that they approved adding the west coast teams.

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Matt L.'s avatar

I doubt the mid tier B1G teams had a choice? Feels like an either ‘go along’ and get your paycheck or ‘get lost’. In another future realignment, the Iowa’s and Indiana’s of the world will likely be on outside looking in, much like WSU & OSU today.

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Timothy E Larson's avatar

Totally disagree about Iowa & Indiana they Will not be on" the outside looking in " as far as the big Ten conference affiliation.

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Matt L.'s avatar

I’m thinking about the Chip Kelly 64 team football plan, one mega conference w/ sub regional divisions. If/when that occurs, some present day bottom-feeder B1G teams may not be invited to that party.

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Timothy E Larson's avatar

Iowa is far from being a " bottom -feeder" in football or basketball.

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Matt L.'s avatar

You are right. Here’s how SI reported B1G tiers in 2021. At bottom were Purdue, Indiana, Maryland, Nebraska & Rutgers. I think I threw in Iowa because I don’t watch much B1G football but when I did (last year) that team’s offense couldn’t seem to find the end zone all too much, just an overly stout D.

https://www.si.com/college/michigan/football/michigan-football-jim-harbaugh-ohio-state-ryan-day-wisconsin-badgers-michigan-wolvereins-ohio-state-buckeyes-michigan-state-spartans-iowa-hawkeyes-penn-state-football-rutgers-maryland-football-pj-fleck-bret-beilema-mel-tucker-james-franklin

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Brian M's avatar

Maryland and Rutgers are recent "bolt-on" additions to the B1G. They have nothing in common with the original Big 10 schools, have 2nd rate football programs, and can find another conference more convenient.

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The Valley's avatar

Good point

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John Canzano's avatar

The $$ probably. Wonder if they ever really compete.

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jon joseph's avatar

With all 4 newbies being AAU members, the decision was up to Fox, CBS, and NBC.

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Orange Sunshine's avatar

Grouping Oregon's academics with the academics of USC, UCLA and UW is a big reach. Only a duck fan would do it, and of course, you did.

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jon joseph's avatar

Reading comprehension? I wrote that all 4 schools are AAU member schools. This is a Fact. I did not write that the four schools have equivalent academic standing.

Perhaps you graduated from a non-AAU member school which is why you are having difficulty with your reading.

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Andy Ungerer's avatar

Correct, all 4 schools are AAU members. UO joined in 1969. They had a medical school when they were invited, but they do not any more.

The information provided in the list of AAU institutions contains columns that indicate if the Institution has a Medical School, Engineering Program, Land Grant Institution.

UO and Brandeis University are the only 2 Institutions with none of these.

In addition, there is a column that shows the Federally Funded R & D expenditures. UO is next to last, Brandeis University ( a much smaller private university) has the lowest amount.

For comparison The R & D $ for USC, UCLA and UW are 6 -10 times greater than UO.

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jon joseph's avatar

Thank you. Not the least bit surprising.

Of course, if academics were the driving force Harvard and Yale along with Cal, Stanford, and UCLA would be on top of the CFB world and the SEC trophy rooms would be chaste.

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TJA's avatar

The reason why UO's R&D funding is low is precisely because they don't have a medical school or an engineering school. Those two schools are where a big chunk of R&D funding goes.

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Rob Arkes's avatar

Orange, I think all that Jon did was note that all schools are AAU members. A fact that Oregon fans probably had little, or nothing, to do with. I get that you're pissed. But don't throw the anger in the wrong direction.

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Orange Sunshine's avatar

Then as a duck fan, why brag about it? Esp when UO should have that designation removed if you look at the R & D numbers over the last 30 years. OSU is the flagship university of this state, and everybody knows it.

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jon joseph's avatar

I did not brag about it, Sir. I simply pointed it out as fact and, one that took all four schools over the B1G's AAU membership requirement. 18 members schools, 17 AAU members, and Nebraska. An AAU member when invited to join and not an AAU member now. If Nebraska had not been an AAU member, it would not have received the invite.

My point that I believe most readers understood is that having cleared the AAU hurdle it was up to the media partners more than it was to the B1G universities.

If USC, especially the way recruiting is going, would have been able to blackball Oregon it likely would have done so.

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Orange Sunshine's avatar

Duck fans have been living in the shadow of USC for decades. Following USC to the Big10 just the latest example. Something Phil Knight can't buy: football tradition, Heisman's, HOF players and national championships. He's 86, time to step on it. Once he's gone, the balloon pops.

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Barry Shiller's avatar

John,

You’re absolutely right - no ceremony is or should be about the officiant. Simply knowing that, and keeping that level of self-awareness, you’ll be fine.

I haven’t officiated. But I have helped multiple wedding presenters craft their remarks. My advice: you are the person everyone will see and hear first. Accordingly, you will set the tone for the ceremony.

Come up with three things you want attendees to know about the couple; share them. (Briefly) Add what it meant to you to be asked to officiate, and maybe something fundamental about them you picked up at the rehearsal. That’ll set the tone.

Then, whatever vows/readings they’ve planned. It’ll go by in the blink of an eye.

They’re a lucky couple.

And we are lucky you use this platform so humanistically. I teared up reading Ashley’s column, then again when she replied to my comment, and now I’m teary again.

Damn you, John. ❤️

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Bob Lowe's avatar

Best man SEVEN times?! Is a great reflection of your character.

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EA Flash's avatar

Or one of his best friends has been extremely unlucky in the marriage game.

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John Canzano's avatar

Excellent point. But I am 6/7… if we’re talking about marriages that are still whole.

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Dell Alexander's avatar

John, That’s a great “batting average” (6/7) since about 1/2 of all weddings end in divorce!

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Jack Bird's avatar

That's funny.

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Todd H.'s avatar

Good luck with the wedding John. I’ll be glad to have things move on to the B1G tomorrow (hopefully)🤞. Hopefully the Pac2 finds their way eventually. And if the “middle of B1G” teams find their situation tough, maybe they should be having conversations with the Beavs and Cougs. Never mind. It’s still morning on Sunday. Looking forward to end of August to get this show on the road, so to speak. 👍

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Bruce Herbert's avatar

Love the "Mr. Prime Minister" line. That's a classic.

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John Tappon's avatar

I'm suspicious that anyone can be a wedding officiant. The one time I did it (with my Universal Life Church mail-order license), the county bounced it back to me because I didn't complete the section saying what church I represented. I also have to say your wife's "you're ridiculous" is the first laugh-out-loud moment you've given me in the many years of reading. Thanks to her for that.

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Jamin AAsum's avatar

I love that you have been best man on seven occasions! I have been best man four times and always considered it a considerable honor. Seven is world class friendship!

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JAKE VON SCHERRER's avatar

I used a version of this at the one wedding I officiated at - tweak it as needed depending on your crowd's "Spirituality" but just about EVERY attendee commented to me afterwards (including the bride!) about how much it touched them.

"... the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be EQUAL with him, under his arm to be PROTECTED, and near his heart to be BELOVED." - from Matthew Brady

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John Smith's avatar

USC hasn’t been USC in decades. The recruiting hype and pr season rankings are always way too high. It will be much worse for them this season. It’s an irrelevant program.

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John Smith's avatar

Irrelevant in terms of wins, not tv eyes.

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Brian M's avatar

If you don't win for long enough time, you will lose the eyes. Ask the Trailblazers organization

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Bud Abraham's avatar

Who is Phil Knights partner? How do we know he won’t move the team to San Diego when Phil passes? Why does Phil even need a partner? He can afford to buy the Blazers outright.

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Matt L.'s avatar

JC, perhaps offer the couple one of the greatest life cheat codes, which is to always talk positively about people behind their backs.

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David Van  Klinken's avatar

And certainly about your wife!

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John Canzano's avatar

Excellent

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Brian M's avatar

Now you tell me! LOL....There is something to be said for honesty, but you can't go wrong finding the best in people. As my mom used to say "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all"

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Johnny's avatar

I only wish you’d asked Schulz more when he brought up USC. Specifically, how did he feel Folt comported herself with the rest of the conference presidents in the year or two leading up to USC pulling out? What did he think of USC silently fuming about their equal revenue split rather than communicating to the rest of the conference that it had become a showstopper for them?

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jon joseph's avatar

SC was getting a bigger piece of the pie before Loser Larry brought in CU and Utah for losing face from losing Oklahoma and Texas. Does CU + Utah = USC?

In a partnership, partners do not get equal cuts but are 'paid' based on 'performance' and all that entails, I expect by 2031, teams will not be receiving equal shares. Wake should not receive the same money as FSU. Northwestern should not receive the same slice as Ohio State.

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John-Henry Cottrell's avatar

Disagree entirely. This is college sports, and there should be some level at keeping a level field. These other schools already have larger donor bases, that already seperates them financially. The have and have nots idea does not make sports more enjoyable, it makes it more predictable

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Peter Baker Jr's avatar

The situation for OSU & WSU is a difficult one. Schulz’s comment about coming up with a plan and executing it sooner rather than later (lest they kick the can down the road and have the clock run out) illustrates it well.

The worst case scenario is some kind of merger (or reverse merger) with the Mountain West. The second worst is rebuilding the PAC-12 with six schools from the Mountain West. In neither case are OSU & WSU elevated. But in both cases the MW schools would be (even if only slightly). Surely the goal is to arrive at a solution that moves OSU & WSU forward on an upward trajectory.

I am hopeful that the two universities craft a solution that offers them a brighter future with higher potential than is available through the MW. I’m not in the meetings, and have no idea what is or isn’t on the table. But I’m hopeful Murthy and Schulz are thinking bigger and beyond traditional ideas.

We can only wait and hope.

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Brian M's avatar

First, John, Congrats on the honor of officiating a wedding. Think of all that union can mean for generations to come! Regarding "the plight of Iowa, Minnesota, Purdue, Wisconsin" (and Indiana, Northwestern, Nebraska, Illinois), as someone who lived in the original Big 10 before they became egomaniacal as a conference, when they began expansion to the East Coast, I have also said / thought, that these Midwest schools, many in towns a lot like Corvallis or the Palouse, would end up as casualties in the professionalization of college football and basketball. Most of these are mid-level cities that are not even top 50 in terms of media markets. Their eyeballs are not important to ESPN, Fox Sports and CBS. Those cities will eventually become casualties of FBS contraction. What then?

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EA Flash's avatar

I was back in Michigan/Ohio last year at some MAC games. The fans there, who are also Big Ten fans, were not happy at all that the league had added the four West Coast schools in a blatant money grab. Their feeling was, the league was great as it is, historic rivalries got played, you could get to almost every game by car. Now that is gone.

Contrary to what some think in our state, not everyone back there is excited about playing the Ducks or Huskies.

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Matt L.'s avatar

I’m a UW fan and feel the same way. I wish for an all West Coast conference and may be minority in not looking forward to games back east, w/ minimal fans, and vice-versa when those teams traveling west. It might be a novelty at first, but its likely to wear off. Fans don’t have time and cash to put up that requires long flights. We’ve been hoodwinked for the $ money, and fans will gnash teeth even more, when coaches move and ‘rebuild’ years result.

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